10.19.2008

Back to it

Ah....School. I knew when I signed up that it would take some time out of my life to do this. I had no idea that I would have to give up EVERYTHING else to do it. I no longer cook or clean regularly. It sucks. I am on top of the laundry like never before, but it feels like I am becoming detached from the life I have been living, only to become a person tied to the computer.

When my husband went back to school in 2001, I resented the time he had away from us. Up until that time, I did all the housework, but I never cooked. The our son came along and was just 3 months old when the husband began working towards his degree. Then I had to do it all..the cooking, the cleaning, the being mom and dad for an infant. I was pretty tired. To this day I can't believe we had another baby while he was still going to school. He graduated when she was a year old.

We fought quite a bit about how alone I felt, how it was so much harder on me, that he threatened to quit several times, just to keep the peace at home. I wouldn't let him, knowing that what he was doing was important to him, us, our family, and our future.

Now, I know how he felt. Though he can never know how I felt, as our kids are now 7 and 5 instead of babies, he has a pretty good idea. The other night, I found myself alone in bed, waiting to pounce on him when he walked through the door. He finally did at 11 and was dead tired. He had worked all day at work, had to fix someone's computer, make dinner, clean up, do all the stuff he does the night before, like make the kids school lunches and coffee, and then I wanted a piece. I knew right then and there we had switched places.

I just don't want to fight and threaten to give up on school. I would do it, too, because keeping the peace at home is so much more important to me.

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